29. The one before 30.
I thought I would be married with kids by the time I was 26. Alas, that wasn't my reality, not my truth, not my purpose. I chose an unconventional road and here I am, one year out from 30, living in Los Angeles, working in entertainment, extremely single, with only one mouth to feed - my own. You know what? All of that is completely okay. I am living my reality, my truth, my purpose.
Every year on their birthdays, people write these long winded social media posts about how the last year of their life was #theworst but the next year will be amazing! Twenty-eight was a year where I experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. But that also happened at 27, 26, 25, 24, etc. Hardships and victories are a part of our lives. It's what keeps things interesting, what helps us grow. The last year sucked for me but I am so thankful for it. I have grown so much mentally and spiritually. I struggled to cut so many negatives out of my life and while it's still a work in progress, I know I am on the right track.
I've settled. I've gotten complacent in my life. Partly out of fear of the unknown, partly because I was just buying my time, waiting for outside factors to take effect. Maybe some if it was just sheer exhaustion. The complacency has harmed so many aspects of my life both physically and mentally. I got to a place where I just completely zoned out. I felt stuck in a hole I dug myself. Some days I thought it would be easier if my car exploded with me in it than to have to go about my day. I was just so unhappy with all of my circumstances. I am better. I've got a great therapist and I have some amazing friends I know I can speak with when I feel this way. The complacency has to end. Now is the time to light a fire under my own ass.
Lately, it's like the entire universe is trying to tell me it's time to start doing ME again. It's time to do things I love and enjoy. Literally, the last 3 books I read all boiled down to this. My therapist has been beating it into my head. Okay guys, I get it. This world and I have a lot to offer one another so I should get out and start living.
Part of me wanted to do a "30 before 30" list. After speaking about it with my therapist, we decided that probably wasn't the best idea. I tend to beat myself up if I don't accomplish all of my goals, which generally include a bar that's set way too high anyway. Instead of a list of 30 things I need to accomplish, we decided to go with one new thing a month. This is the part where you expect me to list my 12 things I will be doing. Sorry, I haven't come up with them yet.
I do know that I will be starting a podcast.I also want to be more committed to this site. I have so many posts sitting in drafts that I haven't finished because life gets in the way. I want to take better photos. I want to read more. I want to take my nutrition more seriously but also not beat myself up over it so much. I want to get a standing back tuck. I want to actually go on A REAL VACATION. I want to be involved in politics instead of just sitting on the sidelines. I want to finally hike the Grand Canyon. I want to say no more. I want to say yes more. I want to do all things out of a place of love, not fear. I want to be okay with being vulnerable.
So what do I need from you, dear friend/reader/cousin/parent/whoever you are to me? Prayers. Good vibes. Love. Hugs. Ideas of what I should do with my podcast/this site. And of course, money is always welcomed because ya girl is poor! LA is expensive.
But in all seriousness, thank you all for being on this journey with me. Thank you to those who listen to me, pray for me, and love me. Let's make 29 great again.